Lately, I've been learning to live with a new strange feeling, something that I've never really known or experienced before. The closest I can describe it is that feeling of being kicked in the guts...perpetually. And it manifests itself in different ways. It looks like clenched teeth and hands on my head, or doubled over holding my stomach. It sounds like 'bummer', frustrated groans and sneaky 'whys'.
It absolutely does not mean that I feel it all the time, out of control, or in every context.
But it's real, and it hangs around. It's the obvious response to circumstances and experiences. But I'm determined to take every thought and feeling captive, and to trust that the experiences I undergo are going to be used to transform me more into the image of Jesus. There's a lot of truth and promise that I know in my head, but I need to inform my feelings of these truths. I know this to be true, but day to day, or night to night (where all good thinking happens), it's a constant battle. A battle against selfishness and pride. A battle to trust and to be content. I don't know if this feeling will go away anytime soon, but knowing truth definitely helps - bit by bit!
I read this in an autobiography I've been wading through:
"When mountains move, the earth shakes. Mountains are big and we are small. A moving mountain can crush us. Splinters fall from the cross. They travel a long distance and they pierce the skin - maybe even the heart. And wrapped in this risk and danger is God's embrace and promise to work all things to the good of those who love Him...Many of the 'things' we will face will come with the razor edges of a fallen and broken world."
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Corinthians 4:17
No comments:
Post a Comment