Are Christian women delaying their progress in marriage by inhibiting men in their assertiveness?
So, here's what I'm thinking...are we as young women, fulfilling many of the needs of our Christian brothers, in our sisterly relationships with them, that they feel no need to step up and consider marriage? As sisters in Christ, are we giving them the companionship and support that they would alternatively find from their wife? Are we giving them guidance and unconditional love that they wouldn't otherwise get? AND, therefore, does this cause them to get lazy and apathetic about marriage because there is less urgency and less need...
So, what's the answer? I don't know. What do we do if this is the case? I don't know!
How do we behave in a way which promotes brotherly and sisterly relationships in their purest and fullest form, without being a stumbling block to the growth and assertiveness of our brothers?
Hi Joy
ReplyDeleteMy name's Bobby, I'm a friend of Isaac Overton and I sorta stumbled onto your blog. Hope you don't mind if i respond.
Do you think it’s all men who are failing to seek marriage or is there only a problem few? Many male friends in my fellowship circles down in Hobart responsibly sought after marriage and the majority have already made the commitment. Most before they turned 25. Maybe some places have this problem and others don't or maybe it’s a guy by guy case.
How do you change the thinking of those other guys? I'm with you on that one - i dunno either lol. I don't think females being friends with guys should be a stumbling block though and if it is then it’s the guy that needs to change his thinking. How you do that I’m not too sure but i doubt there’s one universal solution.
One thing I’d like you to clarify is do you see your male friends failing to seek a relationship or are they in relationships but not taking it to the next level? Great question though, let me know if you get any more insight.
Hi Bobby,
ReplyDeleteNice to meet you! Thanks for your comment! (are you from Tas?)
Well, I've spent a lot of time and energy into helping to create a culture (especially in our Pressy Church and amongst our young people), where the priority is on being godly and pure brothers and sisters. And I still think this is fantastic. I think we should be able to be part of a Church family where we can have these close relationships between siblings.
But at the same time I notice the way young people are getting married later and later (This is prevalent in society, but is filtering into the Church). There are obviously many reasons, but when I look at the men in the Church, I wonder if there is less urgency in their desire for marriage, because their Church family fulfills many of those desires...so I guess I'm saying it seems to be a bit of a trend...
So, I think it is a failure to seek the relationship and they wait and wait to pursue marriage because there is less need.
Then the problem comes for the young women who are seeking marriage, but they are waiting on the leadership and initiation of the males who are not doing anything. So, everyone continues in their close brotherly relationships and it takes a while for anything to happen.
So, the next question is...should the girl do anything about it? (aside from waiting and praying)...you might have to stay posted for a new blog I'm writing about this.
Anyway, I hope I'm not talking round and round in circles...let me know what you think...I'll obviously keep thinking about it and let you know if I come up with more...
Hey Joy,
ReplyDeleteHaha yeah I'm from Tassie, like Isaac said if you know one of us you know us all.
I think we skipped over a big question: Is this a problem?
Don't misunderstand me; I am proud of it when Christian friends who have their priorities in order commit themselves to marriage before God at a young age. However what do you see in the bible or church that suggests it’s wrong for marriage to happen later?
If some boys are waiting before they get married isn't it good that they wait till they have what is required to be a responsible husband/father and this 'waiting' period by the girls could be used in putting relationships in their place before God and using their singleness for good as shown in your last post.
I’m interested to hear your answer. Take care Joy and don't talk to any strange men :o)
HAHA You're a strange man...and I mean that with the utmost respect. ;)
ReplyDeleteWell, in terms of whether it's a problem or not...I think I lean towards 'yes'. I think it's a fantastic thing to see young Christians getting married (of course, I don't mean that in a careless and immature sense). I just don't want to see young people wasting each others' time.
If you're ready to get married, then do it.
But where I'm coming from is that there is less desire to strive to prepare themselves to be responsible husbands and fathers because there is less desire to be married because of the close relationships with their sisters.
So, I think it all cycles around on itself...I definitely don't think it's a problem for guys and girls to have that close brotherly relationship, but I can see it being a hindrance and removing the desire for the men.
So it's not a bad thing as long as the men are actually preparing themselves to be godly husbands. But if they're not.............
Thanks Joy, I can be normal at times but enjoy the randomness every now and then :o)
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry to say I'm starting to disagree with the approach you're taking to this issue. Many young (and some older Christians) still believe that our main purpose in life is to get married. I used to count myself amongst that number but God has changed my life over the last 2 years and turned many of my beliefs upside down. There are many ways people can serve Christ and they can do it in marriage or singleness. Many go on to nit get married and they used their time and efforts in ways that they couldn't if they were married (paul the obvious example). I don’t think you believe that everyone should get married but all of your arguments are focused around that point:
"there is less desire to strive to prepare themselves to be responsible husbands and fathers"
And
"So it's not a bad thing as long as the men are actually preparing themselves to be godly husbands"
Surely these boys should be preparing to be Godly MEN. They should be challenging themselves to grow into whatever role God has set for them whether they become married or remain single. This changes the question from ‘Are the close sisterly relationships preventing them from becoming Husbands?’ to ‘Are the close sisterly relationships preventing them from becoming Men?’
By what you’ve said already I’d say the answer to this question seems to be yes. How then should you approach this issue? I think you should ask the mothers of your church. This issue is similar to a mother who won’t discipline her child and through her loving nature spoils the child into becoming lazy and irresponsible. Advice from your elders is invaluable and I think highly relevant in this case. Rather than just talking to me about it I challenge you to take it to a trusted mother (maybe even yours) share your concerns and ask for advice.
I hope what I’ve said is helpful but acknowledge that there’s a lot happening there that I can’t see. Let me know what you think and please challenge me on anything I’ve said that you disagree with.
I agree with almost everything you have to say, except the part about me disagreeing! ;)
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, I definitely disagree that all men (AND WOMEN) have to be married to be better able to serve God. Not at all.
But in my original question, I'm suggesting a trend change. I'm suggesting that there is a significant shift from when men and women were getting married much younger. (Even then, of course the men and women should desire first and foremost to be godly however that might be.)
So, I'm suggesting that one of the answers to why we see this shift in the Churches may be for the reasons mentioned above.
p.s. Let me just reiterate that I do not believe our main purpose in life is to get married.
p.p.s. Good advice :)