The Family (John MacArthur)

I was chatting with one Korean lady the other day about the difference between Church in Korea and Church at Canterbury.  She made, what I thought to be, a very interesting comment.  She said that in Korea, Church comes first and family second, and at Canterbury, Family comes first and Church second.

This got me thinking about the priorities for the family in the Church, and I read this interesting article by John MacArthur (http://www.gty.org/Resources/Articles/A175).

How Can We Rescue the Family?

Luke 9:61-62, Ex. 20:12, Prov. 22:6, Eph. 5:22, Gal. 6:10

July 29, 2009   |     Code: A175

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John MacArthur
Soccer, dance lessons, school activities—involvement options for families today seem to have no end. But how do all those “family” commitments affect local church ministry? Is it possible to put too much emphasis on the family?

Next time you visit your Christian bookstore, notice how many books are available on the family. What you’ll see is graphic evidence of the explosion of evangelicals’ interest in the family. You could say we’re obsessed with the family.

You might think people would be tired of hearing about the family, but that’s not the case. People regularly tell me they wish we would offer more material on the family. My series of messages on The Fulfilled Family is consistently one of the most popular topics on our radio broadcast.

With all the material available to help families, why are so many Christian families in trouble?

May I suggest that our preoccupation may be part of the problem? We have become so engrossed in the family itself that we are losing our perspective on why the family is important to God and where it really fits in His kingdom plan.

I don’t mean this as criticism of any of the valuable ministries that exist to help the family. Many of them fill a much-needed role, articulating biblical principles for family life. I thank God for them.

But not all teaching that claims to be pro-family is genuinely biblical. In fact, some of the popular ideas that have attached themselves to Christian pro-family movements are clearly a threat to the true purpose God designed for families.

It’s amazing how many Christians believe, for example, that the family is always a priority over ministry. I know parents who have bailed out of any form of Christian service, thinking extracurricular church activity is an automatic threat to the sanctity of the home. They have become so absorbed in family activities that they don’t have time to exercise their spiritual gifts. Several people have told me they don’t attend Sunday evening church services because they set that night aside for “family time.”

Those are revealing attitudes. Have we lost our sense of the family’s real mission? Could it be that our infatuation with the family has actually fostered a kind of self-indulgent diffidence toward our spiritual responsibilities?

The family is high on God’s list of priorities. The sheer volume of biblical teaching about family relationships demonstrates that. God wants children to honor their parents (Ex. 20:12), husbands to love their wives (Col. 3:19), wives to submit to their husbands (Eph. 5:22), and parents to train their children properly (Prov. 22:6). But Scripture never suggests that we should elevate the temporal family at the expense of God’s family. We dare not turn our backs on the kingdom for the sake of our families (Luke 9:61-62).

Christian families are not an end in themselves. They exist to further the work of the kingdom. They do this by being a testimony to the unredeemed and by showing hospitality and service to all, especially those who are of the household of faith (cf. Gal. 6:10).

Too many today see the family as a shelter exclusively for family members, a retreat from the world. They wall themselves in, even from the church. They concentrate on temporal, self-focused, self-gratifying concerns.

Study, for example, the trends in “Christian” family therapy. Today’s counselors seem to major on the externals—having date nights, affirming one another’s dignity, participating in a sport or a hobby together, or better sexual techniques. They make children the center of the family, stressing the importance of stability and privacy, well-organized and exciting family activities, and on and on.

There’s nothing wrong with most of those things—in their proper place. But we have emphasized them to the point of overkill, producing an almost narcissistic perspective. We assume that a mutual obsession with family members’ needs will hold the unit together.

All those things are external props; they will not rescue a falling family. They may even deflect a successful family to the path of failure.

Real help comes when we see that the family exists for a purpose outside itself. Our families are healthy only to the degree that they understand their primary function in this world is not to be fulfilled within themselves. True family solidarity is a by-product of together exalting Christ, obeying His word, and being spiritually vigorous.

The family that knows its spiritual and redemptive purpose does not need external props. It has a supernatural cohesion. Its members have no option but to stay together and build meaningful relationships, not for their own sakes, but because they are compelled by the highest of goals.

Put another way, people who understand that their family’s chief aim is to testify of Christ and His life-changing power have no option to get divorced, commit adultery, abuse one another, or otherwise self-destruct. Do you want to keep your children from rebelling? Begin by teaching them from the earliest age that the family’s most important calling is to exalt the name of Christ in the community by living in obedience to Him.

It is right that we strengthen our families. But let’s not attempt to do it with gimmicks or self-centered efforts. Let’s live not only for each other, but for the Lord. In living for Him, we will end up fulfilling one another. May God give our families a supernatural sense of their purpose, and may we be a testimony for Him in the midst of a hostile world and a needy church.

What are you doing?

I'm finding more and more that the question, "...And what do you do with yourself, Joy" is becoming hard to answer with a simple statement.  There are so many things that make up each week so I thought it would be fun to try and outline some of what I'm doing with myself this year.

1. Canterbury Presbyterian Church
Most of my work at Church is based around the Youth Ministry.  I spend a lot of time with my Youth Ministry team training them and discipling them as they prepare different programs for the young people in our Church.  I am at Youth Group on Friday night, seeking to build relationships with the teenagers.  I also teach the Bible on Sunday mornings before the Service to the Year 7-9 kids.

I am responsible for the development of the youth service which is a specific focussed service we have once a month on Sunday evening.  We have been working hard at getting the families back for the evening service and having specific focussed preaching from Scripture in these services.  There is also a bit of training involved as we seek to get the younger people involved in the leading of the Service.

I spend a lot of time with the young adults in our Church, seeking to build them up and equip them so that they can serve.  I catch up regularly with a couple of girls one on one.  I also spend time with the whole group being available to them to equip them and encourage them as they seek to serve God.

One exciting new thing I started last year was English Teaching.  Our Church holds English Classes Monday to Friday for international students.  This year I have been taking two classes of my own, so much of my week is taken up with preparing lessons for students!  I really do enjoy this ministry.  It's great fun working with the students and spending time just chatting with them.  I've really enjoyed the teaching as well and I'm praying that I always have good fresh ideas that keep the students engaged!

Of course, I am always at Church on Sundays (usually for most of the day).  I arrive at 9:30 in the morning and usually leave around 9:30 in the evening.  It proves to be a long day, but it is the best day to spend with our Church family!


2. Presbyterian Youth Victoria

I spend a fair bit of my time doing PYV ministry.  I'm the Convenor of the PYV Council and am finding that to be quite a big responsibility.  We are working hard to try to use statewide ministry to build youth ministry at the local church level. This means a lot of my time is spent building strategies and thinking through the way we operate so that we can be more effective at what we do.  I also get to enjoy being part of many different camps and events during the year, as well as work with local Churches in training up their leaders!

3. Tutoring


I've just started tutoring twice a week.  One student is a little boy - the son of one of my students from English School.  This is a new and interesting experience, but it is great to be able to sit with him and listen to him as he practices his reading!  The other student is one of my youth group girl's mothers.  She wants help with her conversation, so that is a really good time to spend getting to know her.

3. Soccer


Over Summertime, I have been playing in a summer soccer team of 6.  Our season is coming to a close but it has been a great way to spend a Wednesday night - kicking the ball around.  The winter season has started up again with Pre-season training.  I am looking forward to working hard at soccer this year as our women's team has moved up into the top division.  I really enjoy playing so I'm looking forward to it!

4. CUOF


One day a week I work at Canterbury Used Office Furniture.  I look after the accounts and usually watch the shop on Monday if the guys are all out on deliveries.  I've been working here for almost 4 years now.

5. Miscellaneous


There's some other things that I do from time to time that I'd pool in the miscellaneous bucket.  Things like baby sitting, and at the moment I'm doing some ESL training for English Teaching, and catching up with people from all over the place.

Tasmania

It has been a long time without a post - which probably makes me a terrible blogger - but there has been a series of events which has definitely kept me busy!!

At the end of January, 3 girls from Church and I went on a holiday down to Tasmania.  We spent a couple of fantastic days down in Hobart staying at Lilly's Grandparent's house.  It was such a pretty setting and we got to do heaps of fantastic things.  We visited Port Arthur, picked some berries, went to the beach, spent some time around Hobart and did heaps of driving.

The last couple of days were spent up in Launceston.  I was part of a conference for the Presbyterian Church up there, so I spent a couple of days in the Church training local youth leaders with a team from Melbourne.  We had a fantastic time chatting about the Bible and the way we base our youth ministry on Jesus' ministry.

It really was a fabulous time - see pictures below


We spent one day in Port Arthur and went out on a boat ride around the harbor.  It was freezing and windy (hence the curly hair!!)

It was a love time though - a really peaceful place in a beautiful setting with lots of history!!

I really enjoyed it!

 This is our trusty vehicle, generously lent to us by the Overtons.  We were all pretty excited to be driving around in such a hard-core machine.  The phrase 'Don't mind my bullbar' was used a few times when we were trying to park in the city!!

Love that car!

 This was our first day there.  After driving for about 3 hours in the hot weather, we were all a bit tired and grumpy.  We only managed to survive with the good company and the sweet tunes of Taylor Swift.

Once we got to the Bay of Fires it was definitely well worth it.  The water was the coldest water I'd ever swam in, but it was just what we needed!  The scenery was fantastic, the sand was white and squeaky, and the water was amazing!

One morning we had really wanted to go berry picking, but found out the price and decided it was just a little outside our price range.  Instead we did some touring along the coast.

I happened to find some blackberry bushes with heaps of berries left on them.  We had a great time picking our own berries and eating them!

We even enjoyed some blackberry icecream not too far away - the perfect berry experience!

While we were in Tassie, we enjoyed reading the local newspaper 'The Mercury'.  The truth is, we didn't exactly read it - we always skipped to the crossword.  There was a great crossword in it that was half cryptic and half straight.  We found out that we were quite talented at it.

Here's me in a little cafe in Hobard enjoying my latte and cryptic crossword!

(Not pretentious at all!!)

On our way back to Launceston we spent some time in Campbell Town.  This town is right in the middle of Tas and is where two main roads meet.  So it seemed to be the perfect rest stop when travelling.

New Year

Another new year opens up in front of me.

My New Years Speculation: I think this year will be a year of many changes...There are many things to look forward to in this new year - I know a lot can happen in a year, but for the first time in a long time, I feel a bit of fear as I stand on the edge of this one.  My hope and confidence comes from the fact that my heavenly Father loves me and will not put me through more than I can handle.  But I'm prepared for a big year of being changed and challenged, crushed and chipped, molded and mended so that I might, every day, become more like Christ.

My New Years Aim: To take very seriously the call to live every single day in service to Christ.  To be selfless even when it feels like there's nothing left to give.  To give everything I can for the sake of the Gospel.

My New Years Struggle:  The need to be completely and utterly dependent on Christ and my relationship with Him and not get caught up in dependency on earthly relationships for contentment.

My New Years Verse:  Psalm 27:14 - Wait for the Lord.  Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

My New Years Reality:  Wake up each morning and live in obedience to God and His Word and let Him lead and guide me.

The Wedding

Well, I haven't posted a blog in a few weeks, mainly due to the fact that I've been flat out with everything going on, PLUS wedding preparations!

On Saturday, we were very excited to be part of Steve and Kristin's Australian wedding!  It was a beautiful day, and we had a lovely time all together.  The day turned out something like this:

We got up and Jacki and I did some final touch ups on the wedding cake.  Then Lilly and Charis came around and we did a quick clean of the kitchen and piled into the cars.  Charis had to carefully hold the wobbly cake steady on the long drive to Church.  (The cake did survive and was fantastic).

The cake Jacki and I made

After delivering the cake to the Church and doing final decorations, we went over to the Moody's and picked up the flowers.  Dear Hannah had prepared the bouquets for us, and they looked amazing!  We were all so happy!  (See photo below).

Then, at about midday, we headed around to Kristin's house to get ready.  We had a quick 'lounge-room floor picnic' of cheese, ham and tomato sandwhiches (which Kristin ate with a knife and fork), and then we got stuck into the work.  It was a lot of fun, and we took our time at the start, but we had to pick up the pace a bit as we got closer and closer to 6pm!!  By the end of it, we were all happy and ready to go.

 Lilly doing Joy doing Laura

    

All the bridesmaids with the bride, just before we left.

See the beautiful flowers Hannah prepared for us all.

                                                              Lilly, Charis, Kristin, Joy and Laura

We were all a bit excited by this time, which meant, I absent-mindedly drove the wrong way, which added a few extra minutes to the travel time.  But it didn't matter.  We got to the Church and it all happened so fast.  We were walking, then standing, then sitting, then singing, then signing!  Then it was all over!

We had some pictures outside the Church and spent some time chatting over dinner.  Afterwards, most of us went back to the house just to spend time together.  It was a nice way to finish because we were all so tired!

All together on the steps of the Church

Steve and Kristin

 Marcus and I had the honour of witnessing the signing of the Register.

Our minister, Grant led the service.

It was amazing how it all came together in a month, and everyone helped out in different ways.  It was really lovely how so many different people in our Church family were able to help out and be involved.  All in all, it was a lovely day, and we were very blessed to be able to be a part of it and to share in and celebrate Steve and Kristin's marriage!  Everything came together so well and God blessed us incredibly the entire day!

Becoming Esther by Charo Washer

I thought this was an excellent article!






"Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

Before a girl's turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months in oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics. And this is how she would go to the king...Esther 2:12-13, I have always been amazed at the kind of preparation that the future queen Esther had to go through before she was able to come before King Xerxes. Would any of us want to go through twelve months of beauty treatments before meeting the man of our dreams? Probably not, but then again, imagine the possibilities. One year set aside for one sole purpose - becoming all you can be for the one you love the most. Precious time to cultivate beauty, to make an investment in education and etiquette, to strengthen virtue, and build character.

The preparation of Esther reminds me of that precious time between the awakening of desire in a young womans heart to share her life with a mate and the moment she walks down the aisle. For many, this time of preparation is seen as nothing more than a time of waiting.Single women often see themselves as sitting on the shelf while life passes them by, or as sitting on the bench while others play the game. They do not realize that they are wasting the most important time of their lives, they are robbing themselves of great joy and reward, they are robbing their future husbands of a more virtuous woman,and they are robbing God of a servant through whom He desires to do great things.

As Esther had to be prepared before she could be queen of an entire realm, so the woman must be prepared before she can embark on one of the most important and difficult callings in life - marriage and motherhood. Esther had to learn the ways of the kingdom to which she belonged, she had to learn the manners of court life, the intellectual, emotional and spiritual challenges of high position. To put it simply, Esther had to be transformed from a young lady into a queen before she could wear the title and fulfill the role. In the same way, the single Christian woman must learn the ways of the Kingdom of Heaven before she ever unites with the one that God is preparing for her. She must be prepared intellectually,emotionally and spiritually, not by court attendants in some pagan temple, but by God Himself, His Word, and by other godly women who have been prepared before her. Singleness is not a waste of time or a sitting on the sidelines, but a time that God has set aside especially for the woman, to make her into what He wants her to be, and to use her in ways that just might be impossible after marriage. Singleness is a time in which a woman is to cultivate the virtues that pertain to being a woman of God, so that she can offer to her future husband and the world something more than just a pretty face.

Remember in your singleness that you are not the only one single, but your future husband is passing through the same stage as you. Would it not be a terrible thing to finally meet the man who is to become your husband only to find out that he has used his singleness to serve God and to prepare himself to be a better husband for you. And yet you did not use the freedom of your singleness to serve the Lord, nor did you take advantage of the training that God offered you? Would it not also be a terrible thing to realize that your husband spent his days as a single man praying daily for your needs and the work of God in your life, while you neither prayed for him, nor responded to the grace of God that was given you as a result of his prayers. It is a wonderful thing when God blesses a woman with a husband. That special someone who is "just perfect" for her in that he has been carefully and thoughtfully designed by God to be united as one with her. It is such a joy for the woman to look back and remember how God enabled her to wait on Him and that He was faithful to bless. It is still an even greater joy for her to know that her time as a single woman was also a time of seeking God and being faithful to Him and His purpose. That she did not for one moment wish to flee that state, but desired only to trust in God and wait upon His gracious sovereignty. By no means is it a tragedy to be a single Christian woman, but the way of the world has once again infiltrated Christianity with the false idea that it is. One of the greatest lies is that if you do not "have someone" or are not "actively looking", there is something wrong with you. Another lie is that the single woman should be dating around as though looking for a husband were the same as shopping in a mall. 

Still another even stronger lie is that the single woman should be giving her affections away indiscriminately so that she may be more "experienced" and know what to do when she finally finds the man of her choice. My dear Christian, it is a lie and an affront to God to say that experience is the best teacher, when in fact it is God who is the best teacher, and though the world's motto is "live and learn", the Bible's advice is "learn and live". You do not need to be experienced, you only need to be knowledgeable of what God has said and obedient to it. You should not be looking for the man of your choice, but should be waiting on the man of God's choice. And when he comes, it will not be past experiences that will make your
marriage work, but past chastity, purity, and godliness. We should hide our faces from the ways and experiences of this wicked world and look upon only those things that God has placed in the path He has prepared for us.

God knows exactly what you need and He even knows the desires of your heart better than you do. God loves surprises. He does not want you to be looking for your husband, He wants to bring him to you, and probably at a time you least expect it. If you disobey this advice, as so many other women before you, and take it upon yourself to look for a mate, you may find someone, but chances are that someone you find will not be the right one. As women, our nature desires the company and companionship of a man. This is from God and therefore good. But at the same time, we are wrong to think that death will be the result if this need is not fulfilled. Needing another as a companion is not like needing to take your next breath of air. That is, you can survive without companionship, at least until God has done His perfect work in you. Remember the Scripture, "God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." (I Corinthians 10:13) I have found that there are two primary reasons why someone "desperately" needs someone else. First of all, it is because they do not know God as they should. Is God not the God of all comfort? Is not Christ the exalted Lord who fills all things everywhere? Then why do we complain about how empty and alone we feel? Could it be that God extends our time of singleness so that we might find our life in Him and learn to be complete in Him? If we seek to be married because we feel that a husband will fill our lives or will in some way make us complete, we will be sorely disappointed in our marriage. No man, no matter how Christ-like could ever take the place of God in our lives, to think such a thing is pure idolatry. If we are not filled by God now and complete in Christ in the present, then not even a marriage made in heaven will be able to change our emptiness.

The second reason for desperately needing someone in our lives is plain selfishness. When we need someone in order to feel loved, or when we need someone so that our feelings of loneliness might dissipate, then we are wanting marriage for all the wrong reasons. Marriage should not be looked upon as an opportunity to have our needs met, but as an opportunity to meet the needs of another. If we have not learned to take our own needs to God, then we will probably overwhelm our husbands with our own needs and be unaware of his. I have known Christian women who spent their days consumed with their own needs and constantly lamenting about why God had not brought someone into their life. But why should God entrust a godly man to a woman that is absorbed in herself and her own needs, and does not use the freedom of her singleness to serve God and prepare herself for His purposes? Such a woman would have little to offer a godly husband! My dear friend, being single, like being married should be considered a very special and enjoyable time in the providence of God. It should not be considered a mere circumstance or a curse from which one should try desperately to flee. Being single is a time to learn of God and of ourselves, a time to discover who we are in Christ, and to grow in Christlikeness.

It is a time to be zealous for good works and involved in ministry to others. Being single has a magic of its own that should be enjoyed in its time because once passed it may not return. There is nothing quite so sad as a woman now married who regrets what she could have been and done with her life while single. All was lost for the sake of hurrying to be married without consideration for the plan or work of God. Every season in life has a beauty and wonder of its own. My prayer for all single Christian women is that they might enjoy their time in spite of the lies of the world. That they might be demanding and not settle for anything less than the perfect will of God. That they might wait patiently on God who is the giver of every good and perfect gift. That they might be like Esther, using whatever time God deems necessary to make them beautiful on the inside and out.


Proverbs 31
“... She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

Question of the Week #1

Are Christian women delaying their progress in marriage by inhibiting men in their assertiveness?

So, here's what I'm thinking...are we as young women, fulfilling many of the needs of our Christian brothers, in our sisterly relationships with them, that they feel no need to step up and consider marriage?  As sisters in Christ, are we giving them the companionship and support that they would alternatively find from their wife?  Are we giving them guidance and unconditional love that they wouldn't otherwise get?  AND, therefore, does this cause them to get lazy and apathetic about marriage because there is less urgency and less need...

So, what's the answer? I don't know.  What do we do if this is the case?  I don't know!

How do we behave in a way which promotes brotherly and sisterly relationships in their purest and fullest form, without being a stumbling block to the growth and assertiveness of our brothers?